Stomach Punch @ the heart

Stomach Punch @ the heart

Nobody is perfect they say. They meaning society, teachers throughout our adolescents, and probably our parents when we fall down as a toddler, fail as a teenager or are completely lost as a young adult. “Oh, nobody’s perfect and nobody has all the answers. So, don’t worry.” Now, as this sentiment is passed down over time and remains not true and has never been true; it continues to be repeated and expressed. But my question is: Do people believe they’re perfect? No way! They’re just great at avoiding the stomach punch they have coming.

Look, I’ll get to the point, Stomach Punch @ the heart is about mindset. @ the heart is the idea that I as well as millions of other adults are walking around with thoughts, one’s subconscious, or whatever you want to call it, Jack Jo, for all I care that seems to be working against us rather than with us. Yada Yada. Yes, that was me listening to the many discussing how our mindsets have developed over time due to biology, evolution, and societal growth into what we know now as modern times. Technology. Social Media. Trends. Educational Systems. Parental Guidance. Community and More.

If those are the topics you want to rant and rave about then go for it, but you people. Oh, you gorgeously flawed group of individuals. You’re the same one’s that probably troll on social media, follow every trend, and buy the newest iPhone every year. If not, then, I’m wrong. You don’t have to come out of your mom’s basement and raise a hand and I don’t have to give a shit. But the group of you out there reading this and care about yourselves, are you ready to punch yourself in the stomach?

Cause that’s what I’ve done to get @ the heart of my backward ass mindset. There are problems in the world. Obviously. For me, however, one of my biggest problems is how I perceive everything and care way too much! To find one’s self (which is a lifetime journey) doesn’t come from the superficial means of society today. Why? Because tomorrow it won’t matter.

My Stomach Punch: I’VE BEEN A SHITTY HUMAN

Deep breath and…. Okay, so, I am not going to sit here and list out all my insecurities and flaws as if this was my middle school diary, but I will tell you I am gradually identifying and trying to learn about them. I can’t say I am accepting or understanding them because that would be a lie. This is where I can feel the hit in my gut… What’s wrong with me? I am not the first or last to ask this question, but it fuels me.

I have some real truths and hard pills to swallow about myself. I’ve spent some time wondering if mental illness was the culprit. I’ve felt times of mania - including increased short-term focus and ambition that would die off within a week or so and have me acting more like a depressed zombie for another week (most likely the least scary zombie, because I wouldn’t even feel worthy of eating someone’s brains at the time.) I’ll feel on top of the world one minute and in the dumps not long after. Sounds like some shit to me. But, I’ve realized that everything is internal. I, as the writer of this post, can learn about the workings of my mind every day. Deeper inside I find that I... I tend to be extremely lazy mentally and physically. Indulge in my every desire with little thought to consequences (luckily its simple stuff like drinking way too much Coke, not, ya know sniff sniff). I lack social values - meaning I don’t care about building connections as much as I should and have found myself in a very lonely place. It’s not only because I’m writing all the time (should be - instead of watching YouTube), but because of deep-rooted social anxieties. I force motivation, Every.Damn.Day. - I don’t want to have to force it, I want to want it so bad that I can’t stop.

We all procrastinate and deserve a break every now and then, but I am incredibly mad at myself for being such a slacker, for doing the bare minimum, and to still be friendless a year after moving to another state. Seriously, right now, as I type and even as you read this I am in a fight with myself. However, we are about eighty-percent on talking terms and agree we need to figure our shit out.

Don’t pity me and if you’re thinking “I don’t” then great. You need to worry about you, but of course, use my words to push yourself the extra mile. I’ve been on a self-improvement kick for a long time and don’t get me wrong I notice my achievements, but also notice the unfortunate causation of my approach and mindset making me selfish, mean, and unhappy.

So, where do I go from here? Jump into traffic? Offer my body to the shark-infested waters of wherever? Nope, I plan to live and live hard or “walk hard” as Dewy Cox once said. I am DONE worrying if other people give a shit about me because on this journey I’ve learned to give a shit about myself. I am DONE putting shit on the backburner. I am DONE watching television as binging that series might seem cool, but dude, we just wasted almost 30 hours. WHAT?! I could have written a whole screenplay, a bunch of articles, or learned some fundamentals of new skills or hobby with those 30 hours! This is the first time in history that we’ve had SO MUCH and I mean more then you can imagine access to new information, skills to learn, subjects to study, and experiences to indulge.

If I thought I was perfect, then I’d be okay with going to my job, coming home, and binging Sabrina the Teenage Witch for the seventh time (yes, it would be a seventh, but I say goodbye to my childhood friends, Sabrina, Salem, and yadda yadda.) and I’m NOT okay with that. I am glad I’m not perfect because I can take this stomach punch @ the heart of my identity and use it to be a better individual. My point is that specifically for ME, my best bet at learning who the fuck I am, what the fuck I want, and how the fuck to get there - I need to spend some time with myself learning, exploring, and growing in MEANINGFUL and ACTIONABLE ways.

Start by discovering your priorities and passions... how do they align?
After spending many wasted hours in front of a screen producing nothing productive I knew I had to challenge myself. That challenge is replacing mindless activities consuming my time and brain power to learn where my priorities and interest lie. You may have a different tactic, but the goal is to invest in oneslef where they feel they've been neglecting themselves. I've been writing and reading more, learning to code and building a website for fun,and thinking a lot more about my future and who I want to be in the next year. It's been an enlightening experience and I'll admit... hard. It's hard to give up a routine you know so well and it's hard because it's so easy to do nothing and watch a movie. I need time to unwind, of course, but now tv I see as a social activity with friends, as instead I can do yoga, stretch, or meditate. It's easier said than done, yes, but just turn off the tv, video game, and pointless notifications on your phone. Okay, now that you've done that...
What is an enjoyablen activity that you can get up and do right now that will improve your mind or body? Take a piece of paper and jot down 3-5 things you could do that is beneficial or productive. Do the most appealing right this minute. If you can't do it, than read and write about it. Explore yours and others thoughts about it.

So, yes, you’re not perfect, I’m not perfect, and we sure as hell don’t want to be because accepting our imperfections fuels our improvement with a hard and needed Stomach Punch @ the heart.